Choosing excitement over fear

On the 21st of February, Alex and I were absolutely over the moon to discover that God had chosen to bestow upon us another of His special blessings - yes He has sent us another precious child! Our 8th baby!  What joy! Another miraculous soul growing within me. How privileged I feel. How blessed we are!  How marvellous it is to be a woman - carrying new life.

I would be lying if I told you joy and excitement were the only feelings we had about this new pregnancy.  As most of you will know our last two pregnancies ended in miscarriage and miscarriage hurts - it really hurts!

I think of my babies that are no longer with me frequently and they have changed me forever - each one leaving their own special imprint on my heart, each one never to be forgotten, each one I long to hold, each one I look forward to meeting when I join them in Heaven.

When I first discovered I was pregnant again, all I felt was that wonderful excitement and joy, but as the day slowly passed by so the fear in my heart grew.  As my love grew for this child I now knew was growing, so did my anxiety that I may never meet this child on this earth.  I tried to squash my fears and focus on the excitement...  I eagerly awaited the quiet of night when I could tell Alex the wonderful news.  I starred at him while he opened the little parcel I'd made with a scroll inside telling him the news.  His eyes grew wide as did his smile - he was thrilled!

Moments later however, he expressed the very same feeling I had been fighting all day.  It was a sad realisation.  I didn't want this pregnancy to be this way - over shadowed by fear and worry of what may happen.

God spoke into my heart and asked me to CHOOSE excitement. He asked me to celebrate this little baby's life no matter how long he/she remains. Life doesn't begin at birth it begins at conception! God asked me to not focus on the possibilities, but to focus on the here and now and - this child is here now, alive now, growing now.  He asked me to dream for this child.

Right now that dream has to be, that even though our tiny, tiny baby is only 1/4 of an inch in size, that s/he would be celebrated.  Life is such a precious gift and if this child's life's mission is complete while I am still in the 1st trimester or 2nd or 3rd for that matter then we should make the most of the life while it is here.  This pregnancy is the beginning of a new life and therefore a new God given purpose. We don't understand why 3 of our children's life mission was so short, but they had a mission - and it was completed!  So it is with this new life - God has a plan for this child, We don't know what it is, but we are choosing to embrace it whatever it be.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. Psalm 139 v 13

One of the things I felt God telling me to do was to announce this pregnancy straight away.  Sharing joyous news breeds joy doesn't it!!  :O)  and I think, that for me anyway, keeping quiet and hiding my little baby's existence from the world would have bred fear.  And how can I truly celebrate this child's life if only a handful of people know that s/he even exists?  We have been spreading our happy news for a week now and consciously choosing to focus on the things God told me and by God's grace, while we do these things, the fear is gone.  Praise God!

SO... please celebrate with us for as long as we have with this new life, be it days or 80 years