Long time

It has been a long time since I posted. I never meant to go so long without so much as a peep.

A lot has happened in the last little while. Our family had a wonderful holiday at the end of July down in beautiful Bude, Son 1 turned 6 years old!, I made it to full term and gave birth to a beautiful little girl, born on her due date and we celebrated 4th sons first birthday. So much to update you all on!

First Son's 6th Birthday:

Son 1 enjoyed having a friend over for a trip to a theme park and to stay the night as his birthday treat.. they enjoyed the wii and sleeping in tents:

Baby girl was born:

All my boys were born early so I was very surprised to make it all the way to 40 weeks. I went into labour on Saturday the 18th of September in the evening. I laboured all through the night, but the contractions remained 10-20 minutes apart, despite getting quite strong. When I got up in the morning I expected the contractions to get closer together, but much to my surprise and great disappointment the labour stopped. I was so confused and quite emotional.. I was feeling quite desperate for this baby to be born (was over tired after not getting much sleep). It was only 4 days until Son 4's birthday and I was desperate for this baby not to share that date. God knew this was important to me and I just had to leave it with Him. After having a good old cry to God about it all I rested all morning trying to recover from the night. Husband took the boys off to church and then out for a picnic lunch afterwards to give me as much rest as possible. I started to have the odd contraction again, but didn't want to put any hope on it going anywhere. They were very irregular although picking up in intensity. Later that afternoon I decided a good old walk was in order.. so we went out as a family. Was lovely. I'm not sure if it helped or not.. things didn't really change for a while, but by 6pm that evening the contractions all of a sudden started to come every 5 mins. I started to get excited that this would be it this time. I called into the maternity ward to let them know I'd need a midwife soon and that I was booked for a home birth. Unfortunately for me though there were no midwives available to attend my home birth. The boys were in bed by now and the contractions were getting quite strong. I asked husband to put on my TENs machine, got the fire going and lit some candles. I REALLY wanted to stay at home. I had my birth pool on hand and desperately didn't want a car journey at this stage of labour. Things were moving quickly now. I told the midwife coordinator that I'd wait an hour and see if the situation changed regarding availability of midwives... I didn't have that long to wait though.. only minutes later I looked at husband told him that we had to go. I was very fortunate to have a midwife friend on call especially for me and because of that I was able to go to a birth centre instead of the main hospital! My friend went straight to the birth centre to get the pool ready for me and husband and I made a move as soon as my parents arrived to look after the boys. The journey was pretty awful, but we got there in 15 minutes and I couldn't get into that lovely hot pool soon enough. Transition occurred shortly after entering the pool. It was so strong and so powerful. I started on the gas and air, I knew it wouldn't be long now. It was just 2 hours after arriving at the birth centre that my precious little girl swam into my arms. She was born posterior, in her sac (born in the caul) on her due date!!

It was one of the most wonderful moments of my life!

Overwhelmingly blessed!

My sweet little girl weighed in at 6lbs 8oz and was born at 11:53pm on the 19th of September

Active labour in the comfort of my own home

Just arrived at the birth centre

BP check

I got very hot and felt soothed by a cold flannel

Transition

Well.. this picture speaks for itself!

It's a GIRL!!!

6lbs 8oz

We did it! :O)

I am SO thankful to have my precious daughter safely in my arms and to have the pregnancy behind me. It was an emotional & long journey! My sweet little girl is now already 2 weeks old.. time is flying past! I'm savouring every second - I love having a newborn in the house. Her big brothers absolutely adore her and regularly come and check on her and give her kisses and cuddles. :O) This is a very happy time for us. God is so good!

4th Sons Birthday:

God heard my cry and I delivered my 5th child on a different date to my 4th sons birthday. Baby girl was only 4 days old, but we managed to make it to his grave and bought some balloons in celebration of his short life. It was day of many tears for me, but it was beautiful in its own way. Here are a few pictures of that special day:

Dearest little boy - you hold a very special place in my heart!

And that just about brings us up to date.

I was privileged to have my sister, a professional photographer, at the birth of my daughter. Once all the photos have been edited I plan on putting them together in a 'photo movie' I will share this once it is done.

Have a blessed day!

Pizza Night

On most Fridays we have

PIZZA NIGHT!

I've been meaning to capture the events on camera for a while now.

I finally remembered to do it this evening!

Time to mix together the dough:

Yes.. Son 3 does have pants on his head - he wore them up there most of the day! It's his hat apparently. I will just say that they are clean ones and he does also have a pair in the correct place too! ;O)

Time to knead the dough:

Now for a quick clean and tidy up while the dough rises...

Mummy has cooked the sauce and got the dough ready for yummy toppings..

Pineapple is a favourite for all of them!

And finally.. the pizza is cooked, the movie is ready - Time to Eat!

A good old fashioned family night!

xxx

Introducing lemons!

I'm sure if I thought about it long enough - I could come up with some good analogy of 'when life gives you lemons'.. but I'm too tired!

This video was taken 2 & a bit years ago and son 3 was 10 months old.

Bit of an uphill struggle

I'm sitting here in my rocking chair, enjoying the refreshing evening breeze flowing in through my bedroom window. My growing baby bump and I are doing well and I'm so thankful that we reached the 24 week milestone last Sunday. :O)

(25 weeks)

I have to confess that this pregnancy has been an uphill struggle for me in every way possible - emotionally, physically and even spiritually.

The week I found out I was pregnant again was among the most emotional weeks of my life. It was only 3 months after I had lost my precious little Uzziah and I felt such a mixture of feelings. Scared.. would it happen again? Guilty.. I didn't want people to think I was replacing Uzziah, Grief... O I was just so full of grief! I missed my little boy and the 'would have beens' more than ever and being pregnant again seemed to make everything feel more intense and more painful. I felt so bad for how I felt.

A close friend of mine also had her baby that same week - she had a little boy and although I really, genuinely couldn't have been happier for her, it broke my heart. I went to see this precious gift when he was only 1 day old.. I don't know how I got through that visit without balling my eyes out - my heart felt like it was being starved of blood flow. How was I even breathing? The grief was so intense.

Things improved for me slightly as I grew used to the idea of being pregnant again with another child, but as I became more comfortable with that, so it became more difficult not to worry about the health of this child. The pregnancy symptoms soon set in and by 7 weeks I was feeling really sick and very tired. By 10 weeks I was barely coping with the extreme physical challenges the pregnancy was giving me. I didn't ever feel this awful with my healthy pregnancy's and I couldn't help but let this nag at me with worry. Surely there had to be a reason I was feeling so awful. The 12 week scan couldn't come fast enough - I was praying so hard that I would be able to accept whatever God had decided for me with this pregnancy. As I got up on the table for the scan, I blurted out to the sonographer that I'd lost my last baby and I was pretty much terrified. She was ever so sweet and as soon as the scan began we could see that baby was alive and wriggling around. Everything looked normal and my EDD was even moved forward by 5 days. I was so relieved!

I had thought that having such a positive scan would put a stop to most of my worry and emotional struggle with this pregnancy, but sadly it did not. A couple of weeks after the scan I felt I needed reassuring again, but I did not even have my 20 week scan appointment date through yet. I'm not sure words can describe how long those 5-6 weeks felt! It was helped along by feeling the odd baby kick, but even these were much less frequent and later on then what I had experienced with my others, so again.. this nagged at me and caused me to worry.

Worry, worry, worry!! Would you believe me if I told you that I'm not usually a worrier! ?

In fact, I have shared this verse several times with people who have been worrying and then had to have a friend remind me of it!!

My 20 week scan came and it was an amazing day - full of joy, as the sonographer declared that everything looked healthy! I cried tears of joy as I watched our little one move around - what an overwhelming blessing this child is.

Am I still worrying about loosing this baby? O yes, just 2 nights ago I woke up after a terrible dream that my beautiful little baby had died - it felt so real, and I know part of the reason for that is I now have real feelings to relate to. I've come to the conclusion that the worry will probably not go away until this baby is delivered and safely in my arms.

I find myself asking the question if my faith has weakened - since I find myself worrying so much of the time? I trust God in everything, so why am I worrying? I guess the answer to that is - it's not that I'm worrying how I'll cope if it is God's will for this baby to not live, I know He'll give me the strength to endure whatever happens in my life and it's not that I'm wondering if He'll be there to carry me through - I know He'll do that, I've experienced it in an overwhelming way. It's that I don't want to go through anything as difficult as loosing a child again.. I want this baby in my arms.. I don't know the future and therefore if that will happen this time or not. Trusting God for everything doesn't mean to say that I'll find whatever I have to deal with easy, but that I can know there is a reason for everything and that God works everything together for the good of those who love Him (and that I most certainly do). Sometimes we are privileged enough to see what good and or purpose was/is in any given trial, other times we don't and have to wait until Glory to find out.

It is a hard thing for me to accept that this pregnancy is part and parcel of my grief process - I don't wish it to be that way - I wish I could go through this pregnancy with the innocence of not having lost a child - the joy that that innocence brings in pregnancy. I can't do that now though and I have to do what I can with the circumstances I have. I know that God is working to complete the good work He started in me and this phase of my life is part of that. (Philippians 1v6) I am thankful that I now can understand in a much better and deeper way other peoples pain and I am thankful when God chooses to use my experiences to help others. I obviously would never have chosen the path of loosing a child for my life and would love to have my sweet little boy with me here today, but I know he is in a far better place and God has blessed my life through my little boy's short life.

I am blessed

Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about what happens to you.

1 Peter 5v7

Cast your cares on the Lord... click here

My baby is 3!

My youngest turned 3 yesterday!

Where does the time go??

It seems only a few months ago I was in that bath tub, holding my precious newborn baby boy bundle!

Born at 2:15 pm on the 28th of May 2007

He was such a cute newborn!

My hands were full after his birth as I was now juggling 3 little boys all under the age of 3. It was wonderful though and I loved having them all so close. It was undeniably hard work, but SO rewarding. When our new arrival was 2 weeks old - I took the boys to the mall to get a picture of the 3 of them as a surprise for Fathers Day.

Goodness they were all so little!

What a difference 3 years makes! Back then I had 3 in nappies and now they can all take themselves to the loo. (Yay!) Then.. my eldest was younger than my youngest is now! (Yikes)

Our precious 3rd son has given us so much love and happiness... and concern!! From early on he was a poor eater, which a lot of mums have to deal with. Our little chap dropped off the weight chart by quite a bit and he was so skinny. The doctor had us putting butter or oil in the small amount of food he did eat, just to try and plump him up a bit! The difficulties feeding him was nothing though compared with the concern he gave us when we were on holiday in Florida. It was a lovely holiday.. until that awful day.. we thought he was just dehydrated and that rest and fluid would sort him out, but when his nappy was filled with blood, we knew it was something more. We rushed off to the ER, with no idea how seriously ill our little 10 month old was. He was limp - felt lifeless. Was the worst feeling a mother could feel - a limp child. He was his happy, usual self the day before.. what had happened?

He had a severe case of intussusception, which is when part the bowl flips in on itself and blocks up the system. The doctors tried treating him with a barium treatment - which was the most awful thing to watch - it absolutely broke my heart to see my little boy in so much pain, and for it then to not work - I was a mess. The doctor then had to decide to operate straight away. If he didn't have surgery he would have died within a day or 2.

While he was in surgery, I was sitting in a waiting room, surrounded by comforting pictures of Jesus. God brought to mind the amazing song - blessed be your name by Matt Redman - which during the chorus says, 'He gives and takes away'. I was more or less in continuous prayer and kept telling God that I didn't want him to take my sweet boy away, but that if that was His will, I would accept it. I was thanking Him for the time I had already been blessed with with my precious baby. While I was waiting, I really didn't know what God had in store for us, but I trusted Him, whatever the outcome.

Praise God, he lived!

This picture was taken a few days after his surgery. He recovered remarkably well and is left with no long term problems. I'm sure he'll be quite proud of his scar when he's a bit older. :O)

And now we are 2 years on from that scary week and our little fighter is a very, very happy and a very healthy little boy! I couldn't be more thankful for his life or for the life of my other boys. We don't know how long we have with our children and although it isn't always easy, I intend to make the most of every moment, the best way I possibly can. Children are such a blessing, and I love being mummy, especially on celebratory occasions such as birthdays!

Love you baby boy!

I find myself this evening in a thoughtful mood as I sit and watch the beautiful spring tress move with the wind. I love this time of year, it is so beautiful. There is one very beautiful road that I love to drive down as it is filled with the most beautiful, vivid pink, red and purple trees! It makes me think of that line from a song.. 'and I think to myself.. what a wonderful world'. When we stop and look at this world, it really is SO wonderful. I was walking through the town today and looked up at a blossom tree and just took a real, proper look at the flowers - how incredible they are! My mind wonders to the sunsets and sunrises, the stunning ocean - which can have one entranced by its beautiful movements and sounds, glorious waterfalls, rainbows, a full moon, a shooting star.. the list goes on and on. Even as I type, my unborn child kicks and wriggles and I am reminded of how amazing our lives are and the miracle of how they began. It is so satisfying to dwell on all these thoughts!

Whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there be any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Ph 4.8

Click Here

Kids make me giggle

This morning I was sat in the lounge checking my e-mails, when I overheard a conversation between my almost 3 yr old and 4yr old. It went something like this:

Son 3 - "C.... mummy has a baby"

Son 2 - "yes she does"

Son 3 - "Sarah has a baby too"

Son 2 - "Another one?"

Son 3 - "yeaarh she does"

Son 2 - "In her tummy?"

Son 3 - "yes" (don't know if you are aware of this yet Sarah! lol)

Son 2 - "Karen has a baby as well"

Son 3 - "yes she does.. how did it get there C...?

I'm really curious as to the answer here!!

Son 2 - "by accident" (ha ha ha!!)

Son 3 - "by accident.. yeah by accident."

The conversation then moved on to raspberries and strawberries!

Another rather funny statement made yesterday by son 2:

Son 2 - "Mummy.. I've got an idea I have!"

Mummy - "O have you.. what's that then?"

Son 2 - "I got my idea from bird poo."

Mummy - "O right! Interesting.. what's that then?"

Son 2 - "I could make a splat picture!"

Mummy - "A splat picture!?"

Son 2 - "yes.. with paint!"

Mummy - "lol!"

Son 2 - "Can I get the paints out?" :O)

Pooh Sticks in London

We recently went upto London to celebrate hubby's Uncle and Aunties 40th wedding anniversary. It was a big family event and we had the most beautiful day for it.

We started off sharing lunch together at a quite pub and then went on to this most beautiful place tucked away in London. I can't remember the name of this park at the moment, so will update post as and when I do.

The kids (and some adults alike) very much enjoyed playing 'Pooh Sticks'

It is a game my eldest learnt by watching Whinnie the Pooh.

What you have to do is gather some sticks (feathers or leaves will work too) and stand on a bridge that goes over a stream or river etc, then at the same time as your competitor throw your stick into the stream.. run as quick as you can to the other side of the bridge and wait to see who's stick appears first. Here are some snap shots of the event!

Here are a few other shots from the day..

Walking with Nanny and Grampy