Friday, 23 September 2011

Little Son

2 years!  Can it really have been that long?  
Time surely has gone fast.

2 years ago today I gave birth to my son Uzziah.  When his body entered this world, he was not there.  His body lay lifeless in my arms.  His spirit had left his little body and gone to dance with Jesus 3 days before.  I remember lying in the hospital bed just starring and starring at Uzziah's face trying to burn the image on my brain.  I wanted to remember that moment forever.  It is such a strange place to be in - holding your child, but knowing that this is it.. after today, no more cuddles, knowing that for all my days down on this earth this one day was it.  To say I wanted to savour every moment barely describes it.  It may have been 2 years, but my heart hurts like it was yesterday.  There is a Uzziah shaped hole in my heart, which I will carry with me all my days.

 You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book.  Psalm 56 v 8

I so enjoyed watching the boys today carefully making a picture to place at Uzziah's grave today.  They were really careful with what they were doing and wrote some sweet messages.  They may not have met their little brother, but the sure do love him!

We made our way down to the grave when Daddy got home from work.  We stopped by the shops for balloons and flowers.  We'd decided right from the beginning that we would visit Uzziah's grave every year on the day of his birth.  We decided that we wanted our whole family to remember him and what his life meant to us.  We decided that we wanted to visit the grave, not just to go where his body lies, but to give thanks to God for all He did for us during that time in our lives and for all He taught us.  We want to give thanks to God that Uzziah's life's mission was complete and he was able to go home to The Perfect Place.  We want to openly remember him, remember that his life had a purpose.  All my children are and always have been a great blessing and Uzziah is no different.  Of course from my perspective I'd rather have him here with me, but I know that God's plan is so much wiser and so much better than mine...  how could I argue with that?  Sometimes I'd love to know what God's ultimate purpose was in Uzziah's life, but it may be that I won't know that until I too reach The Perfect Place, and that's ok.  I do not need to know why God did not let me keep this precious boy, all I need to know is that He is faithful in all things and that He has a great plan, which I cannot see. 

He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.  Deuteronomy 32:4 

Daddy took some time to read God's Word from Romans
 encouraging us that we all have a purpose and to rejoice
in the purpose that God has made us for.

The pictures the boys did all protected in a
sealed sandwich bag.
We sent off a balloon to the skies

Here the boys and I watched the balloon float away for the last minute
or so before the balloon disappeared from our sight.

Happy are those who are strong in the Lord, who set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem.  When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs, where pools of blessing collect after the rains!  They will continue to grow stronger, and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem.  Psalm 84 v 5-7


  1. beautiful tamsyn, strength to all your family and special hugs to the little man him self xxxxxx

  2. lovely Tamsyn, I love that you still have Uzziah in your life and he will always be a part of your family xx

  3. Really beautiful, made me cry! So much better out than in, so true how we spend such precious short time trying to as you so aptly put, to burn that image onto our brains!

  4. Tamsyn, your blog is so beautifully heartfelt

  5. a beautiful tribute to your little boy

  6. i was crying it reading this, as its so true how you describe after the birth, so so true. i think the blog is really beautiful, your are an amazing lady, also having faith in god after such a horrible experience is very wise and something i only wish i could find peace from within to accept, i admire your for that, your faith is inspirational. your little man is very special and im sending big kisses to him, and strength to you at this hard time, your right, the pain never leaves you despite how "happy" your life is, the blog is beautiful. big hugs to you all tamsyn xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  7. Beautiful Tamsyn and so true. I remember staring at jessicas face to remember it. Knowing I'll never have another hug. Love to you and all your wonderful family xxx

  8. Tamsyn - thank you for sharing your heart. I loved the verses that you added in - so apt. God truly knows our grief, but we can also be joyful in God's sovereignty.

  9. Tamsyn, this is my first visit to your blog, and to read such a post... well, I feel I got into your heart on my first meeting. I had no idea, of course, that you had gone through this... now I shall keep reading. It was all so beautifully written, and, as Caroline (above) said, the verses were so lovely and appropriate.
    Blessings, Anne x

  10. Thank you all so much for your sweet and lovely comments! They are all so appreciated!! xxx

  11. This was such a moving post, it was so inspiring and really lovely. Your an amazing family, and I love how you always see what God's wants. Thank you xx